you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We are all done wearing pants today
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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