OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
