I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize