guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
