I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
