Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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