end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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