cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize