Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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