So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
