Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
