Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
