She announced her abortion via fbk
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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