Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
