so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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