you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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