I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
