1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
