Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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