We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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