I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
