you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
