What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
