Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize