I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
