If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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