There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
