Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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