Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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