So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
