I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
