something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
