We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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