Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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