sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
