saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
