Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
