My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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