Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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