You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
