Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
