hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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