I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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