Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
