i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
