And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
