I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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