Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize