weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
