All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
