the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize