Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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