dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
