What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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