you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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