He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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