Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
