I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
