You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
