He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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