i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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