My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
