I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
