Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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