i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
