It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
