Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
