Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
