If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
