Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
