I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
