quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
