I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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