I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize