I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
