Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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