I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
