Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have already put on my inside pants.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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