i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize