Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
