you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
