My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
