Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
