It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
