The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
