biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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