Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
