Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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