AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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