even my farts smell like vagina
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
