Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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