I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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