come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
