So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
