tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
