i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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